career choices

i have recently decided to be a scientist. notice i didn't say "become" a scientist, i said "be" a scientist. that's because the cool thing about being a scientist is that all you have to do is declare yourself to be one. watch late night infomercials on anything from male enhancement to baldness, weight loss, six pack abs, memory loss , whatever and they always say "scientists recently confirmed or discovered or whatever, that their product works. there's gotta be money in that don't you figure? plus whenever i say my name and then add "scientist" it makes me sound smart and important. so next time you see me you don't have to call me Dr. or Mr. or anything as long as you say "scientist" .
Thanks,
Lloyd

women

why is it you can rock along for years, doing no harm, enjoying the occasional dallience, and generally contributing to the mass that creates gravity, when suddenly someone comes into your life and mixes it all up? i've very succesfully avoided commitment and even feelings beyond care and concern and now this?i think about Her too often. in fact, when i should be fantasizing about penelope cruz , i start wondering if She would like to see that pirate movie. i had a great life in key west that i was eventually going to get back to, or open my surf shop back up on st george , or load up my ancient bronco with camping gear and explore the northwest. now im talking about vegetable gardens in north georgia. wtf? i suppose the fact that im supremely happy counts for something, but is happiness all its cracked up to be? i used to routinely say "i'll be content when they shovel dirt on me". now im talking about shoveling house foundations.but She's so damn nice. and when i resort to my dismissive smart ass ways she just smiles and kisses me. you can't fight that sort of thing.She laughs when i "hang" my clothes up on the floor and then "hangs" Hers up next to them and i know i've lost.if i draw a line in the sand to do battle ,She steps accross it and says "i'm on your side". i'm going to her house tonight to have dinner ,but im taking my shoes off when i get there and walking my stinky feet accross the carpet. and im not gonna pet the cat.